The Black Spiral

Someone I don’t know
Is living in my head
He sees the whole world
Just in shades of red
My opinions are his food
He grows stronger on thin air
Mining through my prejudice
Feasting on my fear
A never ending whirlpool
Sweeps me without fight
A bottomless sinkhole
Devours everything in sight
The blackhole in my mind
Collapses in forever
Making my most idiotic thoughts
Seem so very clever
Oh Anger! Oh Hate!
Gentle shouts, violent whispers cease
Leave me to live my life
To live my life in peace

——–

When I do a mindless task I don’t let my mind just rot, I think about things. Hopefully they are creative things that build, such as writing stories or poems. Occasionally they are destructive thoughts, full of hate and fear.

Yesterday while shoveling and snow-blowing I started to get angry. It doesn’t matter what it was about. What matters is that it fed on itself and grew worse. I didn’t realize how far it had gone until I took a break for supper. After dinning and decompressing I went back out and thought about it, which is what I do when I have a mindless task: I think about things.

I don’t know myself when I’m angry. I become a stranger. I don’t particularly like this stranger.

To tear down and destroy is so much easier than to build up and create. We must all be aware. It comes without warning. We’re wired with a recursive feedback loop. It goes in circles and becomes stronger and stronger. We need to find a way to turn that feedback loop to a positive purpose. If anger can grow on nothing, can’t love and hope? If the destructive forces grow exponentially, can’t the creative?

Always aim for the positive. Find solutions. If the bad does come, be conscious and turn it to the good.

These are things I thought about when I went back out to finish the snow removal. Because when I do mindless tasks I think about things, hopefully creative things that build.

——

Image by Trent P McDonald

22 thoughts on “The Black Spiral”

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pranita patra January 15, 2015 at 7:13 pm

Hi Trent.. I can so connect with this, its the same with me, I don’t know myself when I get angry, I just get destructive and then I turn to writing or sketching to find a way to direct that energy into something at least slightly productive. It takes some introspection, control over the mind,training it to get back on track. A good poem indeed:)

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trentpmcd Post authorJanuary 15, 2015 at 7:46 pm

I hope all of those drawings you’ve posted weren’t created in response to anger! On the other hand, if they were, they would be something good coming out of something bad.

Yeah, we all get like that on occasion and beat ourselves up for letting it control us. Learning to control it is something most of us need to work on.

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1. pranita patra January 16, 2015 at 10:09 am
  
  All of them weren’t in response to anger :) there were different emotions, different thoughts, some I sketched to help my mind see even in the darkness..:)
  
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  1. trentpmcd Post authorJanuary 16, 2015 at 10:17 am
    
    I was teasing a little ;) It’s good to have a release and a way to focus. If drawing can help lead you out of darkness, draw away!
    
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    1. pranita patra January 16, 2015 at 10:20 am
      
      :D :D
      
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gh0stpupp3t January 12, 2015 at 6:55 pm

Good poem :)

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trentpmcd Post authorJanuary 12, 2015 at 7:06 pm

Thanks!

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hersey97 January 12, 2015 at 6:11 pm

Reblogged this on Thoughts of A Complicated Girl and commented:
Ah! Yes! The all too familiar spiral. I see I’m not the only one

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trentpmcd Post authorJanuary 12, 2015 at 7:04 pm

Thanks for the reblog! Unfortunately, I think we too often get caught in the spiral.

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idiotwriter January 12, 2015 at 5:49 pm

Reblogged this on Idiot Writing and commented:
Really enjoyed this read – the spiral can go either way…which way will we let it grow?

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trentpmcd Post authorJanuary 12, 2015 at 7:01 pm

Thanks for the reblog, Belinda!

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1. idiotwriter January 13, 2015 at 3:10 am
  
  You are welcome – in hindsight – hope you do not mind – I thought last night AFTER I had done it already…. I probably should have asked first!
  
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  1. trentpmcd Post authorJanuary 13, 2015 at 6:32 am
    
    Not a problem. As of this moment you have permission to reblog, quote or whatever from my blog. Not that you really needed it, but hey, if you’re being polite I’ll be polite and grant it :) Since you’re not one of these people whose blogs is just a bunch of reblogs, far from it!, I can only take it as a great compliment.
    
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    1. idiotwriter January 13, 2015 at 2:31 pm
      
      Ta much :D Got mail – will reply later yeah… :)
      
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sherinsk May 28, 2014 at 2:59 am

brilliant we some how have to get over those irrational thoughts to succeed right?

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trentpmcd Post authorMay 28, 2014 at 10:57 am

Thanks Sherin! I think it’s a matter of self-awareness and keeping the positive on top.

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joannagilmanhyde March 2, 2014 at 9:14 pm

Thanks for the drawing of The Black Spiral, and for following my blog.

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trentpmcd Post authorMarch 2, 2014 at 9:51 pm

Thanks Joanna. It was a fun image to draw. I enjoyed your blog and the video of your art project (I’ll admit I didn’t watch the whole thing).

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