(OK, I have written and erased this 3 times so far, let’s try again…)
Happiness, they say, is a state of mind. It is controlled internally. Many think that by achieving some goal, by buying some object, by doing some activity they can be truly happy. But “happy” lives within us all, those things just bring it out, often in shallow, fleeting ways. Happiness itself is a state of mind, one we can control. Or so they say.
But then, why are there so many who aren’t happy?
Of course there are those who really do think that getting those objects is the path to happiness, so after the novelty of the last toy wears off the feel unfulfilled and move to find some other diversion. At times I feel I can’t really help these people, I can sing Beatles songs to them all day and they don’t get it. Should we try? Of course some “find religion” to fill what they feel is missing. But others? We have all been there. “I want that!” Perhaps we can start there. And from understanding comes empathy which leads to compassion.
There are some who can’t be happy because they have a mental health issues or mental illness. Not only is it very hard for them to be happy, It is often a struggle for them just to be. Ah, perhaps we can help those, or at least deal with them with understanding. We need to show them that we are there, stick out our hand and say, “you are not alone, I am on this journey with you.” We need to work with these people with compassion. We can never force them, say, “Just smile!” That is looking at ourselves, not them. We just need to let them know that we know, that we understand and that we are there to help. We need to show compassion.
And then there are those who have a hard time being happy because of their situation. There are some remarkable individuals who keep a smile no matter what, but most humans do strain under life’s burdens at some point. And for too many the burdens are far too great – people whose countries are torn apart by war, survivors of great disasters natural or man-made, victims of all types of crimes, the starving, the repressed, the… the list goes on. Since we have all shared a little of the burdens we need to empathize with those who have more than their share, or those who are too fragile or weak to handle even a small load. We need to help. We are human. We need to reach our hands out to our brother and sisters in need. We need to show compassion.
There are others who aren’t happy. They are angry because they feel the world has done them a great disservice. They pick scapegoats and say these people are the reason they aren’t happy. They fill their lives with hatred. Some kill others wholesale while others say the only way they can be happy is by killing others wholesale. The call of hatred of those who are different is ringing around the world, from the mountain valleys of Pakistan to the deserts of Syria, from the shores of Europe to packed stadiums of political rallies in America.
How do we make these people happy? And would they stop marching to the beat of the drums of war if they were happy? Can we feel compassion for these people?
We must show compassion, but the “how” is difficult. Many are only there because they really are the downtrodden and this is their way back up. Others have been misled. Some are brainwashed. Some are empty, looking for a cause and found one that’s based on hate. Some are victims of hatred and so join groups to return the hatred. Of course it is possible some are just evil people, but lets at least try and perhaps catch the good ones before it is too late. Sometimes we need to see the root of these people. They say many of the people in the West who have joined the radical Islamic groups have felt hatred and racism aimed at them. They’ve felt disaffected and disenfranchised. By joining they felt closer to something than ever before, they feel need, they feel camaraderie, they feel they belong. Wouldn’t it be better if someone in their home towns had seen the anger and showed some compassion and worked to defuse the situation? Made them feel wanted and appreciated at home for who they are? That’s what they need instead of “we need to kill everyone who looks like you or prays like you.”
For most of us this last group is the hardest to deal with. How do we show compassion? I’m only half joking when I say that if I knew the answer I would start my own religion. But we must try, as imperfectly human as we are, we must try. Perhaps some will turn back towards the light.
Sometimes it is depressing.
But lets be happy, be happy and try to make others happy. Some will be easy. But then, some are lured into the “false gods” of the pursuit of happiness, some have a hard time because of illness, some because of situation and there are still others who have been fooled into thinking that hatred is the path to happiness. We do need to try to help these people, all of them, and try to make them happy, or at least feel that they are understood, that they are loved as fellow humans, that they belong to our human family. It isn’t easy, but, hey, let’s do it with a smile : ) And be happy.
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This post is part of the 1000 Voices Speak for Compassion. I’ve had a personal vision of compassion that I’ve been sharing on most of my posts on the subject:
Empathy is the glue that holds society together and compassion is what makes a group of people a civilization. Without holding our hands out to our fellow humans we become savages. We are all in this together, in a closed system, so we must all help each other. How lonely life must be for those selfish people who don’t realize this simple truth! How lonely for anyone who doesn’t realize that all are our brothers and sisters! How lonely must the self-righteous be!
Find out more about this movement. See the 1000 Voices Speak blogsite and the Facebook page. And add your voice to our 1000 voices all speaking about compassion! To see more for this month or add your post, see the “Linky”
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Trent's World (the Blog) 
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A very thoughtful post, Trent. I think what the world needs more of is empathy. It seems to me that too many people are incapable of putting themselves in another’s shoes. So, those against asylum seekers can’t seem to understand that, put in the same position, they would do the same – do anything to save their families. Many seem also incapable of seeing things from another’s point of view. There is a feeling of blind intolerance to anyone ‘different’. I don’t know what the answer is but as you say, all we can do is what we can do and hope it spreads. Great post.
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Thanks H. I know you see a lot of issues with asylum seekers down there. Or maybe not the seekers themselves, but issues with people trying to keep them out. Right now the “haters” have a much louder voice, but hopefully those with a bit more empathy will have their voices heard.
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There are signs the tide is turning. There have been some massive protests about the camps lately. Unfortunately, both major political parties support offshore detention so there’s no real way to change things at the ballot box. Just have to keep fighting and educating people about what’s going on.
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I think we emphasize happiness too much. I think happiness is ephemeral. You can’t create it, it either happens or it doesn’t. As you so sapiently point out.
Nor does happiness make life worth living.
Caring makes life worth living. Caring is what motivates, Caring is what creates meaning, Caring is what connects us most deeply to each other.
Happiness is wonderful – but it should not be the pursuit of life. Its too flimsy and fickle. Caring is solid and it lasts. If I care about an issue or a task or a person, that becomes an integral part of my identity.
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There is too much emphasis on happiness. When I saw it as this month’s topic I thought it would be easy, but the more I thought about it….
Caring is a big part of who we are, or at least who we should be. It does give meaning. So yes, I pretty much agree with you there.
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Excellent post, Trent. You capture how complex happiness and compassion are, and yet at the core, how simple. A thoughtful post. :-)
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Thanks! It was a huge topic and I wasn’t sure how to fit even a small portion in.
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You covered it well without belaboring the points, Trent. It’s an important message.
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Great points Trent…each person has a unique path to travel
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Thanks! yes, each of us is unique and a generic template for happiness just doesn’t work.
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I really like this post a LOT, Trent, because it covers so many of the situations where people are deeply and legitimately unhappy and no amount of telling them to smile or buck their ideas up is going to have the slightest effect. The change needs to start with US, for so many people, and for so many reasons.
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Thanks Lizzi. Yes, we do need to be the ambassadors of happiness. And I think the whole #1000Speak movement works as a great ambassador to Compassion in general.
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YES! I think so too, and it always gladdens my heart to see how many people are really dedicated to being involved in spreading compassion and engaged in making it a bigger thing :)
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You make a good point about mental illness, depression, or those who have real struggles in life, jobs, money, the lack of that makes life hard. Sometimes I think it is the nature people are born with, my husband is an upbeat happy person overall- he always sees the cup 1/2 full not 1/2 empty. I do believe helping others makes us happier, I believe it has been proven scientifically that it has a chemical effect on the body, when we “do good”
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I recently read two articles about happiness coming from the inside and all you have to do is try and my first thought was, “Yeah, sounds great, but what about people who suffer from depression. Telling them to get happy is almost mean.” Or how about somebody house family just died in an accident or act of war? So yes, I had to include those.
I agree, people do have different temperaments. I tend to be closer to the optimist side. Sure, I can be dark and brooding, but for the most part I am pretty happy. But I think no matter the temperament, people can be happy, and yes, “doing good” does help make one feel good.
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Sending you hugs for another great post on compassion.
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Thanks Mello! Hugs are always welcome :)
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It’s my honest belief that we have had so many wars because from young children we are forced into belief niches that point out the differences between our group and others. he so called good books that we read are divisive and separate us from other groups. In the past, the leaders of those groups or religions have asked their followers to kill on their behalf. Christian against Moslem, Christian against Christian too when you look at the massacres of the Templars, The Cathars and the Heugenots. It has just this moment occurred to me as I wrote them down that all of those have happened in France so maybe everyone should form an alliance against the French (Joking, only joking).
The Catholic Church that leader in Christianity has for years fostered a set of beliefs yet been shown to practise other than those beliefs themselves with the abuse of children by priests and unmarried mothers by nuns. Both of which have been tried to be covered up.
Without Religion to make us form these groups maybe we would be more tolerant of each other and celebrate out differences rather than fear them.I think we’re wrong to indoctrinate children from a young age instead of allowing them to make the choices for themselves at a reasonable age where they can study all the different religions and take one or disregard all.
Tolerance of others is a key to being happy ourselves because we don’t feel apart from them and that certainly includes those who have a different lifestyle whether by choice or not, those withing the LGBT communities would be more accepted if Religions didn’t say they shouldn’t be. Those I have known have proved to be just as loving as so called ‘Normal’ people.
Hugs
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Religion can do a lot of good things, but unfortunately you are right that it can divide and cause hate and prejudiced. I can understand why parents want kids to be part of their religion, but you have a point that they should be taught very open minded and with knowledge about other religions in a positive light. Perhaps when they are older they could then choose for themselves.
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I really believe that happy people have an open heart and because of that they have more happy moments what keeps them happy…does that make sense? That’s at least my theory.
I would lie if I would say that I don’t have unhappy moments and there was a time in my life when I felt frustrated and depresses. That too didn’t last long, because it seems to be against my nature.
I am happy, but I do worry (what is against the song lyrics)
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So, are people more caring because they are happy, or happy because they are more caring? :) Nobody can be happy all of the time, of course, and we all go through stretches when it’s hard to look at the bright side, but for the most part I stay pretty happy.
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:-)
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yes, that’s what we need to do :)
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:)
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