The doorframe splintered around me as soon as I walked outside. Bullet holes appeared on the siding of the house in front of me and behind me while I walked to the drive. I just wasn’t in the mood. I turned and gave the finger to the sniper on the Karlsberg’s roof.
“I saw that, young man.”
I turned and waved. “Hi, Mr. Smith. What did you see?”
“Don’t play with me, I saw you flip the bird. I’m not sure who you were giving that one finger salute to, but your parents will hear about it.”
I put on my best “I’m totally confused” face and turned around.
“There’s nobody around, so why would I flip anyone off? Oh, I get it. I did a fist pump because of how beautiful the day is and how great it is to be out in it. Did you think I stuck my middle finger up when I did that? I’m sorry.”
Mr. Smith stared at me for a minute and then started to rake his leaves again. I could hear him grumbling to himself as I walked by.
That was close!
Mr. Smith blamed me for destroying his shrubs and didn’t really like me much, but it wasn’t my fault. Really. That blasted sniper shooting at me every day…
I started to walk down the sidewalk towards downtown. Now where was I? Oh, yeah, I was mad.
The evil prince, AKA “Dad”, had sided with Queen Shimá and tossed me out of the house.
It was a political argument about the kingdom known as “Our House” and how time away from the Uranium Mines of Pluto would be best spent. The future of the kingdom depended on it.
“Stop rotting your brains on stupid Saturday morning cartoons and play outside!” I think were his exact words.
So another week of being the laughing stock at school because I missed Creepy Critter’s Criminal Capers.
I thrust my hands in my pockets and scowled at sidewalk. Life could be so unfair!
Wait, what was that?
A police car turned onto the road, blue lights blazing.
Oh oh, the coppers were after me! Mr. Smith must have snitched after all.
Tommy gun tucked under my arm, I made a beeline for the backyards, only half wondering who Tommy was.
I figured I’d sneak around and see if I could spring Babyface Greenberg, AKA my best friend Josh, from the Pen where he was doing 10 to 20 for armed robbery. Well, actually he was grounded for the weekend for stealing two bucks from his sister to buy a comic book, but a weekend! It felt like 20 years!
“You know exactly why Josh can’t come out and play today. And no, you can’t come in while he is being punished. Why don’t you go out in the woods or something? With the leaves turning copper and gold it’s a gorgeous day…”
“Yes, Mrs. Greenberg, it is a gorgeous day. Say hi to the prisoner, I mean to Josh, for me.”
I walked to the edge of town, keeping my eyes out for the lousy coppers.
I went into the woods, surrounded by the copper color signs of arboreal death. Why did everyone think that dying leaves were pretty? I mean, yeah, death, ghosts and stuff can be cool, but leaves? And pretty? Really? At least Mr. Smith seemed to agree with me as he didn’t seem all too happy to be raking. Perhaps he wanted to see Creep Critter as well and Mrs. Smith kicked him out of the house. Ha! I bet she did.
No wonder he was so sour.
I went up into the woods and was met by a fierce dragon!
I feinted to the right, but he was ahead of me. Smoke rose from his awful snout.
But then the author writing about me said he didn’t have time to write a long-winded story and the dragon went away. Not only that, but the day passed in the blink of an eye. (Perhaps someday he will turn this into a true story and fill in a lot of very cool autumn adventures. I doubt it though – he’s a boring old man, worse than my dad.) Soon I was watching the copper-penny sun sink behind the hills and knew I had to return home.
Queen Shimá was serving dinner as I came in.
“I told you that you’d have a wonderful day,” the evil prince said.
Ignoring him I looked at the copper pot she was holding.
“What is this, rat barf?”
“If you don’t apologize to your mother in three seconds you are going up to your room without having any of whatever it is! I mean without dinner.”
Queen Shimá glared at the evil prince, so I figured I was free and slid into my chair.
Queen Shimá slopped some barf onto my plate. “Do you know what you want to be for Halloween yet?”
“I thought you were supposed to play make believe, not just be your normal self.”
“Ha, ha. Queen Sh.., I mean Mom, you must have married a comedian.”
She finished slopping barf onto the evil prince’s plate and smiled. “Oh, he’s a funny one, alright. Let’s see. A gangster? You have a tie and suspenders already. So a fedora? That’s a hat, you know…”
“Yeah, and a Tommy gun!”
Queen Shimá smiled.
Perhaps the day wasn’t that bad after all.
Some my recognize another adventure form the kid of Seasons of Imagination. I think I’ve done a total of 10 stories about him, not including the half a dozen 100 word Friday Fictioneer stories…