
PHOTO PROMPT © Rochelle Wisoff-Fields
I sat up with a jolt.
The world was throbbing.
Why was I shivering?
The scene in front of me began to focus, but didn’t make sense. A jumble of lines. Light shining from the ground.
I tried to stand, but my feet had no traction.
I looked down.
Red.
The red was wet with something cold and slick under it.
I looked around.
Light wasn’t shining from the ground, it was reflecting from it.
I closed my eyes.
A vision of another person in another place slipping on ice filled my head.
I fell back.
The world went dark.
***
Word count = 100
Friday Fictioneers is hosted by Rochelle Wisoff-Fields. This week’s prompt is here and uses a photo © Rochelle Wisoff-Fields. Read more or join in by following the InLinkz “linky“.
Excellent description and feeling of confusion. Well done!
LikeLiked by 1 person
Thanks.
LikeLike
You have expressed the suddenness and confusion very well.
LikeLiked by 1 person
Thanks.
LikeLiked by 1 person
Pingback: Three Links 2/13/2020 Loleta Abi | Loleta Abi Author & Book Blogger
Clever stuff, I had to read a few times, which is a good sign!
LikeLiked by 1 person
Thanks! Yes, I do take that as a very good sign (and compliment) :)
LikeLiked by 1 person
Reblogged this on Where Genres Collide Traci Kenworth YA Author & Book Blogger and commented:
Nice poetry!
LikeLiked by 1 person
Thanks.
LikeLiked by 1 person
I usually try to land head first to minimize the damage. It makes a thumping sound, sort of like a watermelon, but there’s nothing much in the old noodle, but broken bones take a long time to heal.
Excellent writing, Trent.
LikeLiked by 1 person
I usually end up landing on my brain, uhm, I mean my bum… Same thing… Thanks.
LikeLike
By the time he realised it was too late. Nice one Trent.
Here’s mine!
LikeLiked by 1 person
Thanks. Hopefully someone finds him before it is too, too late…
LikeLiked by 1 person
Ouch. I hope someone finds him.
LikeLiked by 1 person
Yes, or that he regains full conciseness soon and is able find help.
LikeLiked by 1 person
Jings, Trent, this is a distressing piece.
Well done
LikeLiked by 1 person
Very little makes you feel as helpless as slipping on ice… Thanks.
LikeLike
Ouch. I hope help comes. Good job at conveying the disorientation.
LikeLiked by 1 person
Perhaps the dog is on the other side of the door barking its head off letting everyone know something is up and help is needed… Thanks.
LikeLiked by 1 person
I can so imagine my husband went through this exact thing when he fell on the ice on the back stoop and cracked his head open. No one knows how long he was lying there before he came to and came to get me (It was late and I was sleeping.)
Excellent write.
LikeLiked by 1 person
Ouch, glad he was able to get you! I’m sure those first few moments have to be very disorientating. Thanks.
LikeLiked by 1 person
I’ve no doubt they were. He said he remembered lying there (February 29th 11:30 pm) and saying I need to get up. I’m in a t-shirt and it’s cold… Friggen guy…
LikeLiked by 1 person
Yikes, pretty scary
LikeLiked by 1 person
He scared the bejeezus out of me with his big L cut on his forehead, right down to the skull… 8 stitches, it took.
LikeLiked by 1 person
ouch!
LikeLiked by 1 person
Yep!
LikeLiked by 1 person
Nice work unfolding your story. I like how it becomes clear to the reader as it becomes clear to your protagonist.
LikeLiked by 1 person
Thanks. That is what I was shooting for, the pieces of the puzzle becoming clearer to the reader as the MC takes in more of his or her world.
LikeLiked by 1 person
Beautifully written. You’ve painted a clear picture here. Visual, emotional.
LikeLiked by 1 person
Thanks. A clear picture from a blurred photo ;)
LikeLiked by 1 person
Isn’t looking good for the MC. Hoping a positive turn for him soon, before it’s too late.
LikeLiked by 1 person
I hope he or she doesn’t live alone and someone notices soon! I’m sure if there is a dog in the house, the dog knows….
LikeLiked by 1 person
“Lassie, get help!” Happy Valentines Day!
LikeLiked by 1 person
lol, exactly! Same to you, Happy Valentines day :)
LikeLiked by 1 person
:)
LikeLike
Very atmospheric in an ouchy sort of way, Trent. :)
Susan A Eames at
Travel, Fiction and Photos
LikeLiked by 1 person
A very ouchy way… The ice in that photo looked nasty.
LikeLike
Excellent, Trent.
LikeLiked by 1 person
Thanks, Robbie.
LikeLiked by 1 person
Dear Trent,
You leave the reader with many questions. Interesting visuals. I like the ethereal feel.
Shalom,
Rochelle
LikeLiked by 1 person
Thanks, Rochelle. The distortion in your photo, which I assume are from water drops on a window, gives the picture a ethereal, or perhaps surreal, feel, which I wanted to capture.
LikeLiked by 1 person
Ouch!!!!! Well written, Trent! :-)
LikeLiked by 1 person
Yes, double ouch! Thanks, Marina.
LikeLiked by 1 person
😬😬
LikeLiked by 1 person