What did they always say?  One of us hairless apes needs just water, food, clean air, shelter and clothing to survive?  Something like that?  And what do we do when all of those things become contaminated?

I think they also used to say “man does not live on bread alone”, but, you know, that’s pretty much all that is needed to survive.

Along with water, shelter, etc., etc.

But I am getting a little ahead of myself here.

Hmm, where to start? I’ll admit, I am no more of a story teller than a castle-builder or architect, but I can give you just the facts, Ma’am. 

Or is it Sir?

I was what I called a low-level nerd, not quite smart enough to be a full-fledged nerd and certainly not even close to a successful geek.  OK, most of the world called me a gamer and a loser.  Yep, I grew up on a diet of shoot-em-up games and Doritos and hated to step foot out of the house.  I was as un-athletic as a doorknob and as imaginative as one. If my high school’s yearbook had a “least likely to survive the apocalypse” category, I would have been the clear winner.

Which may be why I did survive the apocalypse – I knew how to avoid people.

It struck out of the blue and spread like wildfire, as they would say, if they were still around.  Death came mercifully quick, but the contamination didn’t go away so rapidly.  If a sick person went into a tool shed to get a spade to dig their own grave, since nobody else would, that shed became contaminated and entering it months later marked you for death.

So let’s go back to that checklist for survival, OK?  Water.  Contaminated.  Food.  Contaminated.  Clothing.  What I had on my back, otherwise, contaminated.  Shelter.  Contaminated.  Hell, even the air in the towns and cities I knew were contaminated and I had to escape to some god-forsaken strip of woodland.  Yuck.

So, yeah, that is how they found me, dirty, wearing a few rags that didn’t cover me well enough, drinking muddy water, eating grubs and worms, and living in a little lean-to that I made from wind-downed tree limbs.

So here I am, in the “Flora and Fauna of Earth” exhibit, living in what they thought was my natural habitat, being fed grubs and worms washed down by muddy water.  I have my wonderful hairless ape den to sit in and shiver away the nights.  What more could I ask for?

If you didn’t know, us Earth people have a thing called sarcasm, it’s, well, never mind.  Only, if you did understand a word I said, good Sir or Madam, please let the zookeepers know that I would like an upgrade in accommodations.  I nice hovel or shed would do.  Or perhaps even a cabin or cottage.  Ah, paradise.  Oh, and maybe some nice processed food.  Yum.

Anyway, if you want me, I’ll back sitting in my den.  Good day, Ma’am. 

Or is it Sir?

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This was written for the writephoto challenge, now dun by KL Caley. She provided the photo at the top and the key word, Den. Hope you enjoyed.