This was an odd week in some ways. There were some contradictions. The most telling of the contradictions had to do with Spring. In ways ;)
There were a couple of times that I felt as old as I have ever felt. Some of it was looking in the mirror first thing in the morning and then part of it remembering how long ago different events took place. Wow, it is already 2018! The Year Two Thousand is supposed to be some distant future of flying cars and all, and it is now the distant past!
But then, there were a few times that I felt younger than I have in years. These young times all occur outside. Sometimes it will be run and playing with the dogs, jumping and twirling in the air, land backwards and running backwards as I egg them on, jumping again and twisting to land fast first and instantly sprint and.. I know, the people in town think I am totally insane, but :) And then I caught some sights, scents and feelings that transported me to a different time and place. For a few minutes I would see the world through five year old (or ten or thirteen at different times) eyes. I would feel the way I did then, think the same thoughts. It was like a flashback or even a memory. Well, it was a memory, a memory of who I felt and thought. And the world was new once again.
I think this is part of what spring is about. Not the feeling old part. That’s part of aging – realizing that time does move on and we move with it. But there is also that renewal. I feel so alive in autumn, maybe more than any other time of years. And summers are fun. Winter can be both good and bad, though often it is what we make of it. But I feel young in spring.
So I am writing this as fast as I can. When i am done, I will go back out and spend as much time outside as possible.
It renews me, rejuvenates me.
It makes me young, or at least young at heart.
The other day I pulled out a picture of myself from when I was 27. My first response was, “what’s up with this photo? It doesn’t look the same as my image in the mirror…” You see, when I look in the mirror, I see myself as someplace around 27 or 30. Is it possible the mirror is lying? I mean, look at the picture at the top of the page. That’s not the picture of a middle aged man, is it? (Note – in this context I am talking someone who is really around half way through life (40 – 60 is half way to 80 -120), not as a euphemism for “as old as rocks” (80 middle aged? how many 160-year-olds do you know?))
Here is the thing: a middle aged man doesn’t feel middle aged. Well, some might, but I don’t. If I met my 27-year-old-self, I’d be able to keep up with most of what he did, except cycle – I haven’t been biking much lately while I used to ride 150 miles+ a week back then. I know I am stronger in most ways and I get sick a lot less often. In general, I am at least as healthy. My mind works quicker on a lot of subjects. I come up with new ideas quicker, solve problems a lot faster; I have forgotten more than I knew back then. I sometimes see old writing of mine and ask myself, “Who is that idiot?” My libido is just as strong, though I do a better job controlling it. I feel great, as good as I’ve ever felt. The only area that I feel behind in is my eyesight. I do use reading glasses now. Sometimes. Continue reading →
Back in the very early days of my blog I wrote a post called “Pruning the Possibilities“. The idea behind the post was that as we age and see some of our dreams die we should use it for the positive, to put more energy into our remaining dreams. Here are the last two sentences of the post: If a dream dies don’t let that be an excuse to become depressed. Make it an opportunity to make another dream come true.
It quickly became one of my more popular posts. I had a lot of people on Facebook talk about it. Of course “a lot” is a relative term, as is “popularity”. At the time I posted it I could count my followers on my fingers and toes and have some to spare. I was happy with 7 likes and zero comments! Continue reading →
A butterfly of my youth
You flitted through my life
I followed your beauty
Zig-zag across the field
You were unattainable Continue reading →
OK, I have to admit it. I’m never going to be a rock star. It’s tough, but I can’t keep any more illusions. There’s no denying that I’m well past the prime age for a newly minted rock star. One more dream goes phhtttt. Continue reading →